One of the things, I often find about being queer is that everything suddenly becomes a headache.
Why on earth should our sexuality, gender or other defining features of our uniqueness get in the way of any celebration we wish to hold? But it still does, over and over.
I read yesterday about a New Zealand couple whose booking has been refused because the companies owners don't do gay weddings?? Huh? What? Really? In 2020???
Well, actually, I don't know why I am shocked as its not the first and wont be the last.
We can't change the world, we can't force anyone to accept us if they are built that way. It does make me a little sad however...
I do admit though I do dream about that perfect life! You know the one where no one cares!
So, on my website, I haven't broadcast the big pride flag to attract my queer family. And this is the reason.
I hope that every person who comes to me, every couple or individual, whatever gender or sexuality gets the ceremony they desire.
I don't want you to come to me because I wear the same coat, but because I just might understand that your sexuality, your gender, or in fact your age, size, religion or disability is only important in that it is part of you.
Being gay is part of you, part of us, but it isn't the only thing that is important. I don't do 'gay weddings' as their is no such thing. And yet I get weekly messages to ask whether I 'do gay weddings', the reason I feel is because we are used to asking for what many people get routinely.
If you feel that I can do your story justice, can add to the memory of your beautiful day, whatever that celebration is... then I am proud to walk with you for a while, conduct your ceremony and hopefully give you the wedding of your dreams.
As individuals, you may want aspects that straight people don't have! Many of my couples ask for me to mention our ancestors who have fought hard battles to allow us to get to the point that we are actually allowed to marry someone of the same sex. I can honestly say though that this is usually the only defining thing that makes a same sex wedding different than another.
Some weddings, whatever the couples sexuality or gender can be extravagant, OTT, camp, and full of colour, fun and are truly gay in the old fashioned sense of the word.
Some weddings I am given the brief of "keep it traditional, with just a hint of personalisation"
And guess what, there is no one type of person that requires one type of wedding...
So, If you are wondering whether I do gay weddings, what are you asking me?
Are you asking whether I am inclusive, sensitive to the road you have walked and the battles you have overcome? Then yes, Yes, YES!!
If you are asking me whether your ceremony will somehow be marked out as something different because you are getting wed to someone of the same gender? Then no! Your wedding will be different than all others because all my weddings are different than each other, with the addition that I will provide a safe space, there will only be room for love and acceptance.
And if you decide to stroll on by and visit a colleague who is a better fit, then I still wish you every ounce of good wishes for your day. And all I ask, is that if you go for a wedding celebrant who tells you they will gladly perform your' gay wedding' just make sure you know what that means!